How to Talk Dating Like Zoomer: 51 Hyperspecific Phrases for Love, Sex and Questionable Conduct

This year marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” entered the mainstream. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, seeking a partner has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Generation Z, a cohort who matured during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

The Letter A

Genuineness – According to gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it describes partners who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal habits suggesting a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your decision to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately shut down any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {